I suppose it's no large surprise that no one is hiring, but I'm not giving up. Monster is about to take out a restraining order on me for stalking the website so much. I'm trudging on and not giving up on my going nowhere career search.
I'm starting to become irritable at work. Our intern asks at least a million questions a day and I'm sure I was like that when I first started, but he is annoying. He's also going into the theater and he just seems so damn happy all the time. He is less than two years younger than me and I am annoyed by his immaturity and bright eyes looking out at the world. It sickens me. It could be jealousy, but I'm pretty sure that I was never that happy go lucky in my entire life. Again, could be jealousy, but I think he's just obnoxious.
I've always been the glass is half empty frame of life, but lately I would just call the glass empty. I have no idea what kind of career I should be searching for. I've been applying for similar jobs which seems stupid. I don't want to jump into the same job in a different location. I am good at my job, but that doesn't mean I love it. Do you just continue doing something you're good for the simple fact that you're good at it? Do you decide that it's best to go into a business that involves your hobbies and/or interests? It's confusing and I know it's silly, but I feel like 25 is too old to making a career change. It scares me to start all over. I envy those people who at 5 knew what they wanted to do and stuck with it forever and were happy doing it.
The one thing I am sure of is that moving to New York City is something that I would love to do. The energy and culture of the city are extraordinary. I don't think it's the place that I could live forever, but it is something I would like to take the leap and try. I've been applying for jobs there and I haven't received a single response. My resumé is pretty good so I find it interesting that I haven't received a response. Maybe it's just because I'm out of state or maybe it's that my resumé isn't that great. I have enough money saved up to move without a job secured, but it terrifies me to do that. I'm obviously too much of a planner.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Passion Over Power
After months of talking about getting my resume together to apply for a new job, today I actually did it. I think I've gotten used to having a constant pay check and I'm one of the people with the most experience in my department. I need to remember that just because I'm comfortable doesn't mean that I'm happy. Having a routine doesn't mean I have a successful life.
I'm scared to start over at 24 which is completely ridiculous. I'm just living life and I need to figure out how I want to live it. I'm not sure I want a family so in order to be happy with life I need to have a career that I love. I want to travel and unless I win the lottery having a great career is a must. I think I'm lazy about getting this career. I did four years of college and now three years in a career that is going absolutely no where. I need to find something that I am passionate about not just something that I happen to do well.
Let the applying begin for a new career and hopefully life.
I'm scared to start over at 24 which is completely ridiculous. I'm just living life and I need to figure out how I want to live it. I'm not sure I want a family so in order to be happy with life I need to have a career that I love. I want to travel and unless I win the lottery having a great career is a must. I think I'm lazy about getting this career. I did four years of college and now three years in a career that is going absolutely no where. I need to find something that I am passionate about not just something that I happen to do well.
Let the applying begin for a new career and hopefully life.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
25th Birthday Looming
With my 25th birthday just around the corner I am of course thinking about where I am in my life. Living in a city I like, but don't love with a career going absolutely no where. A career that I thought was ideal at the age of 18 and with no experience, but now with three years of experience I can't think of something I hate more. Looking back choosing a career at 18 might not have been the best idea. My company is performing layoffs each Friday which makes me now hate my favorite day of the week. We used to be on at least five hours of overtime a week, but now we are not even allowed to clock in a second. The conclusion to this is that my paychecks went from fluffy to flat. My family keeps pushing me into going to grad school, but I can't think of a worse idea. I know I hate my job, but I have absolutely no idea what I now want to do. Not knowing what I want to do does not exactly want to make me flush $40,000 down the toilet on a whim with a masters degree that means as little as my bachelor's degree.
Maybe it's not just my lack of career opportunities, maybe it's the fact that I am celebrating yet another birthday single. Being single is not my favorite thing, but I also enjoy being alone at times too. I think it bothers my family, friends, and co-workers more than it actually bothers myself. I hate the head tilt of when someone feels sorry for me that I am single which in their mind means I have issues in someway and deserve to be alone or a I need to be pitied. Maybe that's just Cincinnati talk. The land where everyone gets married at 22 to their high sweetheart or whatever person they happened to be dating at the end of college or around the age of 25-30. You ask them if this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with and they're not sure, but they know they want to spend today and tomorrow with them and want to have kids within the next few years so they'll work for now. They'll deal with love issues later. I know this is quite the truth because in the past two years I've been to over ten weddings and I think I've only seen one couple that was truly ready to take the plunge and not because it was time, they believe their eggs are getting old at 22, or because their parents want them to get married, but because they are really in love and want a life together.
The more I write the more bitter about life I sound. I don't feel this way at all, but my lack of a career and single life are definitely my achilles' heels. I have amazing friends and family, but I'm realizing that the both come with more issues as you get older. My friends are fabulous and I honestly wouldn't change a thing about them. We include each other in our lives, travel together, and make sure that we see each other several times a week. I absolutely love how supportive we are and I think others are actually jealous of the group we have created.
My family is also great. I have a phenomenal relationship with my mother, tolerate my father and brother, and deeply love and respect my grandparents. It seems that the people that have married into the family are causing the most issues. My stepmother has always despised me because she believes that I take my father away from her being that I am the only girl out of the kids. The only time I am ever invited to see the family is on holidays and this is about the only time I see my father or little brothers. I used to be incredibly close to my brother until he married the Shedevil. She put on a good front for awhile sucking up to my aunt, cousin, and mother, but now she has burned all her bridges and forced my brother to no longer speak with my mother's family. It is just absolutely ridiculous. She wants him all to herself. Sometimes I think my brother is going to go home and she's going to be cooking a rabbit in a pot or that she's going to pull a "Leave Her to Heaven" scene and murder the family dog because he was taking away too much time from her. I actually had to text my brother today to please contact our mother so she can be wished a happy mother's day. Pathetic.
I guess for now I will continue on analyzing my life as it comes and hopefully have the balls to actually do something about it. To figure out what kind of career I want, put myself out there to date more, stand up to the Shedevil, or to at least be happy with the cards I have right now if I'm not willing to change it. For now I'm not feeling life this is going to happen, but it's at least something to ponder for tonight and for the future.
Maybe it's not just my lack of career opportunities, maybe it's the fact that I am celebrating yet another birthday single. Being single is not my favorite thing, but I also enjoy being alone at times too. I think it bothers my family, friends, and co-workers more than it actually bothers myself. I hate the head tilt of when someone feels sorry for me that I am single which in their mind means I have issues in someway and deserve to be alone or a I need to be pitied. Maybe that's just Cincinnati talk. The land where everyone gets married at 22 to their high sweetheart or whatever person they happened to be dating at the end of college or around the age of 25-30. You ask them if this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with and they're not sure, but they know they want to spend today and tomorrow with them and want to have kids within the next few years so they'll work for now. They'll deal with love issues later. I know this is quite the truth because in the past two years I've been to over ten weddings and I think I've only seen one couple that was truly ready to take the plunge and not because it was time, they believe their eggs are getting old at 22, or because their parents want them to get married, but because they are really in love and want a life together.
The more I write the more bitter about life I sound. I don't feel this way at all, but my lack of a career and single life are definitely my achilles' heels. I have amazing friends and family, but I'm realizing that the both come with more issues as you get older. My friends are fabulous and I honestly wouldn't change a thing about them. We include each other in our lives, travel together, and make sure that we see each other several times a week. I absolutely love how supportive we are and I think others are actually jealous of the group we have created.
My family is also great. I have a phenomenal relationship with my mother, tolerate my father and brother, and deeply love and respect my grandparents. It seems that the people that have married into the family are causing the most issues. My stepmother has always despised me because she believes that I take my father away from her being that I am the only girl out of the kids. The only time I am ever invited to see the family is on holidays and this is about the only time I see my father or little brothers. I used to be incredibly close to my brother until he married the Shedevil. She put on a good front for awhile sucking up to my aunt, cousin, and mother, but now she has burned all her bridges and forced my brother to no longer speak with my mother's family. It is just absolutely ridiculous. She wants him all to herself. Sometimes I think my brother is going to go home and she's going to be cooking a rabbit in a pot or that she's going to pull a "Leave Her to Heaven" scene and murder the family dog because he was taking away too much time from her. I actually had to text my brother today to please contact our mother so she can be wished a happy mother's day. Pathetic.
I guess for now I will continue on analyzing my life as it comes and hopefully have the balls to actually do something about it. To figure out what kind of career I want, put myself out there to date more, stand up to the Shedevil, or to at least be happy with the cards I have right now if I'm not willing to change it. For now I'm not feeling life this is going to happen, but it's at least something to ponder for tonight and for the future.
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